Monthly Archives: August 2011

Two years…already?!

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I am successful.

I am healthy.

I am strong.

I am determined.

I am happier.

I am confident.

Two years ago on August 25th I went in and got my guts rearranged. Or if you want the technical name, I had Roux en y gastric bypass.

Highest Record Weight: 320lbs

Weight Day of Surgery: 303lbs

Goal Weight: 170lbs

Weight as of August 25th,2011: 189.7lbs

I wouldn’t be where I am at without the support. I have never met someone who hasn’t supported me. I have gotten comments about it from very few people and that I am thankful for. (we all know I am one to not keep my mouth shut 😉 ) SO I am going to toast to myself (with water because we all know I’m a lush these days) Yay for doing it, yay for where I am and I will pat myself on the back because this surgery saved my life. I rarely give myself credit for anything but this I will stand on a mountain top and scream it. I am training for a freakin 5K..who would have thought that?! But I also want to thank everyone who has helped along the way…

Thank you Anthony for being loving, supportive, and always telling me I am beautiful. I also want to thank you for being with me at 320 lbs as well as 189 lbs. I love you and I am so happy to have found you and had this beautiful baby together. You are my rock.

Thank you Kennedy simply because I was able to have you after having this surgery. You are perfect. You are beautiful, smart and curious. I love learning something new about you everyday. You also are the reason I started running and training for the 5K because I want to be healthy for you. I want to run around with you without getting tired. I love you my sweet beautiful baby girl.

Thank you Tracey for being supportive, even if you live in NY. You are always there to talk when I need it and I am grateful we are so close. You even cheer me on via text when I tell you my running accomplishments. I love you.

Thank you Dad mainly because it feels good when you aren’t recognized by your own dad when you walk up to him because you look so different. Thank you. I love you.

Thank You Mary Jo, Hannah, Sophie, Lily, Jaime, Emma and Lauren (well that was long to type lol) I love you all and thank you for your continued support in EVERYTHING. You guys have kept me sane and I have tremendous gratitude.

Thank you Twitter/Facebook/Forum friends because you can relate to what is going on, give advice or be a cheering squad. Thank you for the bottom of my heart!!!!!!!

Running, Running, Running!

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Running!! Who in their right mind would have EVER thought I would be running…for fun? Yeah, its an insane concept. I never thought so either. I mean WHY would anyone choose to run when they don’t have to?

Because its an awesome feeling! I love it. I found a trail here in town that is so beautiful. It’s full of beautiful big trees, a small stream, and some very friendly people. I feel like I can just run and enjoy what’s around me. Kennedy loves to go with me, I think being outside calms her. I can’t forget Ember either! She loves to go running with us because what black lab doesn’t want to burn some energy?

But seriously, I recommend running to keep your sanity! It’s a huge stress reliever. I am NOT fast, not even a little but I do it. I do it to feel better about myself. To feel calm. But I also do it because my bucket list includes me running a marathon and eventually, a 100 mile race. Yes, you read that correctly..a 100 mile race.

I started wanting to run a marathon a while ago. It would feel amazing to finish that because it is a huge test of ability and mental state. I want to be tested and especially now being a stay at home mom during the day, my mind is filled with baby talk and mindless things. I want to feel that accomplishment to say, I did it!

Now I have been training for a 5k because we all have to start somewhere! I have been using an app on my Andriod called C25K or Couch to 5k. It rocks! You don’t have to have an Android or iPhone, you can upload it on your iPod and off you go! It’s pretty helpful since it starts you off pretty slow and eventually you end with a 30 minute long run in week 9. It’s 9 weeks training with running every other day. I like it a lot! It prompts you over your music to run or walk, it tells you when you are halfway done and when you have 2 minutes left(which are the longest two minutes of your life!). If you want to take up running, please do it slowly so you don’t hurt yourself.

But if any of you Colorado girls wants to run a 5k, I’m running in the Dirty Girl Mud Run and I couldn’t be more excited! It’s an obstacle course 5k run. Hey go big or go home right?! It is a girls only run with a mud crawl at the end! It raises money for breast cancer and you get some pretty cool stuff! Check them out on Facebook! They have pictures from the WI run this past weekend!! Or follow them on Twitter!

I’ll post pictures after I complete my run on September 24th,2011 in Calhan,CO!!

Happy running!

Lilacs

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“If lilacs grow in Heaven
Lord Please pick a bunch for me.
Place them in my Mother’s arms and tell her they’re from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her, and when she turns to smile,
Place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while.
Because remembering her is easy, I do it everyday,
But there is an ache within my heart That will never go away.”

Today you would have been 65. I miss you mom. Happy Birthday. I will enjoy a cold one for you later. I love you.

I Miss You

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August 16th. The day my mom was born. She would have been 65 this year.

Her birthday is on Tuesday. I always think of her but recently its been even more than usual. I miss her.

I know life isn’t fair and honestly, I think I handle it pretty well. I try not to make myself feel sorry for what I can’t control but I’m having my own little pity party here. Why did she have to die?! Life isn’t fair!

She will never get the chance to hear Kennedy laugh or smile or cry or anything! It’s so unfair. She can’t help me when I have a question about motherhood or show me a better way. Why isn’t she close enough to have family dinner or call up just to chat?

Ok, I know I’m being a whiner right now but damnit! It makes me so angry and so sad..I miss my mommy!

October 31st. The day my mom left. Yup, Halloween. 545 am if you must know. I watched her take her final breath.

I don’t want sympathy, I just wish this didn’t happen. It’s been 5 years this year. I am going to trying to celebrate Kennedy’s first Halloween while missing her more than ever.

I am not religious (yes, I know that I’m with a highly devoted Catholic and my daughter is baptized Catholic lol) but there is a hope that she is in a happy place, maybe it is heaven or maybe its just a huge kitchen filled with a billion recipes, her mom, PBR and some good music. Oh, and she is pain free…thats a must!

I miss you mom. Everyday, all day until the end of time. You were my rock and I just hope that you would be proud of me. I love you. And Kennedy is of course the most beautiful granddaughter and I KNOW she is perfect.

RIP Mom
August 16th,1946 to October 31st, 2006

As we age

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Tonight I attended a “retirement” party. A manager at my current job is leaving after many years in retail and not looking back. It’s awesome. But it makes you think…where will I be when I am ready to retire? What am I going to be doing to deserve a party to celebrate your career path? What am I doing now to achieve my goals of where I want to be?

Want to know the answer? I have no flipping idea. I am 23 years old and I don’t know what I want to be “when I grow up”. I want  to set an example for Kennedy and do something that she can be proud of her mommy for but what the heck is that? I’m lost and hopefully will find my way to figure it out.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Why I had gastric bypass

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Me in June of 2009

So I get asked by new friends/coworkers/strangers why I decided to have gastric bypass. Some people judge, some people are truly curious and others just feel the need to ask. Here is MY list of reasons that I chose WLS.

1. To live longer. Well this seems obvious now doesn’t it? I decided to have surgery a little before my 21st birthday. I was well over 300lb and so unhappy. I didn’t have anything medically wrong with me…yet! I didn’t want to found out what it was like to have medical issues.

2. I didn’t want to be fat and pregnant. Ok you read that and though What the heck? It’s true. I didn’t want to be fat and carry a child. I wanted people to know I was pregnant…which BTW, didn’t happen even after 115 lbs lost! I never looked pregnant when I actually was..lame!

3. I was unhappy. Well besides the fact of living longer, I was truly unhappy. If you have never been bigger in size then you cannot understand but people treat you differently when you are fat. You are looked down on and made fun of.

4. I wanted to ride roller coasters. I have a huge passion for roller coasters. The thrill is amazing. I went to Cedar Point, which has some of the tallest roller coaster in the world, and I couldn’t ride because I was too fat. How disappointing as well as embarrassing.

Day of surgery August 2009

5.My mom always wanted me to be thin. Ok I know some people had major childhood issues with their parents and such but this isn’t the case. She just wanted me to be healthy, she didn’t agree with WLS but she hated to see the repercussions of me being big my whole life. She never picked on me or talked down to me but I have tremendous respect for my mom, who passed before I had WLS.

6.I was sick of the “fat” one. Again, if you have never been fat then you don’t understand but being young and always being the fat friend pretty much sucks! As well as being the 3rd wheel everywhere!

7. No diets ever worked. I have tried so many diets, its gross. They never worked. Besides the fact of sticking to one longer than 2 months, I never saw results.

8. It’s just my personality. If you truly know me, you know that I’m impatient. I will be the first to admit it, I just hate waiting. This can go along with number 7 but I need results, fast. I knew RNY was for me because 90-100 lbs lost in 6 months? Let me climb on board! This is also a little in site as to why I chose RNY over lap band.

April 2011

So that’s my list of major reasons I had surgery. You may think some are dumb and some are obvious. Weather you have had any sort of WLS or are thinking about it, weather you are thin or heavy…there are reasons for everything you do. Some are big, some are small but I would never change a thing. I am so glad I had WLS and I am now healthier.