Tag Archives: hard

Day 1 is done!

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Ok so yesterday was Day 1 of the pouch test. Holy shit was it hard!!! Well in my previous post, I told you I am not a fan of protein shakes, etc. Well I managed to finish 20 oz of a protein shake throughout the day. I made it more like a milkshake and it helped a little. I am going to try again today to at least finish one throughout the day. I know it helps. but I had horrible headaches, dizziness and I was just plain grumpy. I had that shake. I also had some soup I had in my pantry which wasn’t the best but I had to do something before I passed out. I ate some chicken noodle soup from Campbell’s. I mostly just drank the broth and had a few bites of the stuff but barely any of it. I also drank lots and lots of water. It helped a little but the hunger was so hard. By 530 pm I was in tears when Anthony got home. He made me go to the store and get more soup. I got Progresso Light which tastes amazing by the way! And I am not just saying that because of lack of food, their soup is delicious and I am not a soup fan lol. But anyway, I also broke down and had about 5 saltines throughout the day. I know I didn’t completely ruin the test but it was literally horrible. At one point, I thought I was going to pass out. They helped and I did NOT eat them all at once. I would have one here and maybe an hour later another. I tried hard not to do it but I had to not be passing out!

So day 1 was rough and of course this morning I woke up with a killer headache. I hope day 2 goes by fast because frankly, this fucking sucks! And on a different note, Kennedy is 10 months old today!!!! I love her sweet little face but sad/happy for her to grow up. Its such a mix of emotions and maybe I will cry. Probably more for lack of food then her actually being 10 months but whatever! lol

and another from last night with my headphones. I laughed hysterically!

 

PS- I hope people will be on the call today with Tracy aka My Tiny Tank. Her weekly support call is amazing and I love being able to talk to you guys! I can’t make the call tomorrow night due to work but I will be on today!!! Contact Tracy if you have any questions!!

Today is the day!

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So today is the first day of the 5 day pouch test (5DPT). I am off to a semi rocky start. I have to say I chose to do this to reset my mind. I don’t believe this test “shrinks” your pouch or anything of that sort but mentally, I think this will help me. I make bad choices everyday with my food and it is not where I want to be anymore. I drink soda regularly, I eat rice daily, and I tend to eat sweets a lot. Not that I blame pregnancy but I think this started for me when the cravings for pregnancy kicked in. I honestly didn’t really watch what I ate. I pretty much ate the pizza hut pizza from taco bell once a day. I started making bad choices and it is followed me through the birth of Kennedy and haunting me 10 months later. But on a side note, I have to say I am lucky enough to have only gained 25 lbs with my pregnancy and honestly, my weight loss surgery helped that.

I stopped soda pre weight loss surgery and I continued that for almost a year after surgery. I never craved it. Well come pregnancy I randomly got a craving and caved. I get headaches if I don’t drink soda and that kind of grosses me out. I should NOT be here. I was doing SO well pre pregnancy. I ate 6x a day with very simple meals and once and awhile caved to a sweet. I want to be back there. I can’t be prefect and none of us are but I want to be healthier. As the marathon training will begin, I need to be healthy. I need to be strong and mentally if I am wore down with food then my training will not be successful. I was going to start running today but figured I should tackle one task at a time…lets get my food back up to par and then start running. I think I will be more successful instead of trying to do it all at once.

So back to my first day, this day is already rocky and its 10 am. I have a headache and I am starving. I hate the taste of protein shakes…it is super disgusting to me. I have NEVER supplemented my protein in the 2 1/2 years since surgery but I still get my 60-80 grams..I just eat high protein foods (meat, etc.) So day 1 and 2 are just strictly liquids. Protein shakes, protein soups. Well I actually have the books from Kaye Bailey (thanks to a giveaway by Tracy) and I have to say, I am such a picky eater. And if you ask anybody, I am not exaggerating. If you were around me daily, you could maybe understand Anthony’s pain haha. The protein shakes make me gag. I have a tried a few different kinds, brands, etc. They are griddy and the smell/taste just gets to me. So I turned to a trusted pal, Tracy (again) and she suggested the protein soups. Well looky again, my picky eater comes out. I am sure the recipes are great for people who like that stuff. I am already not a big fan of soup…I just have to be in a mood to eat it and my selection is very slim as to what I like. So the soup recipes weren’t very appealing to me either. So I am stuck. I did end up making a shake today using GNC Total Lean Rich Chocolate and made it more like a milkshake. It helps but I had to take a sip and then turn around and take a sip of water to even get it down. I drank about 4 oz of it before I had to stop. I added some cinnamon to cover the taste a tad and it was ok. I guess drinking part of a shake is way better than living off water because that isn’t healthy..at all.

I am just trying to make it through these next two days and I will be ok. Day 3-5 you move slowly in the protein scale. I am thankful to say Anthony is doing it with me, even though he is not a baratric patient. He will be slightly different on days 3-5 because there are added rules in such that you sit down and you can only eat for 15 minutes. Also, you can’t drink anything 30 mins before a meal or 30 mins after. I have to say I have never followed that rule. It’s so hard for me but I will try very hard to follow it through the test and beyond.

On one last note, I decided my pouch needs a name. I mean it is part of me and it has to be super cool. Hmm, I will ponder this! I have never been able to come up with a good name!

Wish us luck on this test! I think I need to more than anybody doing it haha. If you are looking for another prospective on the test, Rob over at Former Fat Dudes is also doing the test starting today. Check out his blog!

Covering My Tattoos

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Ok So I have been talking about this lately and I want to clear up this whole tattoo thing. Yes, I want to cover my tattoos for our wedding in October 2012. Why? Because honestly, they are distracting. Let me clear up some responses people have given me:

1. I am not ashamed of them or worried about people seeing them. I don’t hide them ever. (I wear tank tops in the summer)

2. Yes, I am getting married in the Catholic church but it is not because of that.

3. Anthony DOES NOT think I should cover them so he has nothing to do with it.

4. I am not worried about being judged. Pfft, really? I could give two shits what people think because the people who matter don’t mind and the people who mind, don’t matter!

So I couldn’t think of any more things that have been asked/said to me. I want to do it because my portrait of Marilyn Monroe is distracting. She will be facing the church I feel like she will take away from me and my dress. It is probably selfish and Anthony says I am overacting…and maybe I am but it is REALLY bothering me. We went to Sephora this weekend for them to try to cover just my one on my wrist. No success but I asked them to just try on Marilyn because she is big. Well it is not going to work…I have freckles everywhere and in order for them to do it, I will have to makeup my whole friggin arm. Yeah, no thanks. Did I almost start to cry? maybe but It is bothering me. Yes I already know a response after people read this…I know I should have waited to get the one on my arm but guess what? I didn’t and I will live with that and show her at my wedding so don’t give me your speech. Now for some of you who don’t know me in person..I have 9 tattoos. 6 are visible in a tank top. My dress is sleeveless.

Daddy’s Little Girl with the Blue’s Brothers on my back, on the left

Family Tree on my right wrist

Marilyn Monroe on my right shoulder

Odi Et Amo (I hate and I love) on my back

Flower on my left collar-bone/shoulder

And no pictured is my four-leaf clover behind my ear. So that’s all my tattoos and they are not offensive, ugly, etc. but I still can dwell on it if I want!

Nap Restarting

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I know you read the title and you were confused…nap restarting? What in the heck is that? Well its my name for what Kennedy does to me every couple of weeks. We have to restart her love to nap alone. OK I probably just confused you…let me back track a little. Kennedy does not like to be rocked, held, cuddled, etc. She is a lone ranger when it comes to going to sleep. She always has been (well minus the first month of her life when mommy was so tired that Kennedy slept on my chest a lot in the middle of the night..opps?) Anyway, every few weeks Kennedy needs a little help loving her naps by herself again. What she does is she gets SO over tired I have to basically take a nap with her because she refuses to sleep in her crib. She is already a tough kid to lay down for a nap…she fights tooth and nail to not have to sleep in the middle of the day. She is odd because at night, she is out like a light. She goes to sleep with little issue.

 

Well guess what today was? Nap restarting day!

 

This takes about 45-1 hour to complete with her. I have to get her binkie and her blanket and go into Mommy and Daddy’s bed and fight her to sleep. I have to sing “You are my sunshine” and “twinkle twinkle little star” 20x each, tickle her face, and force her to keep her blanket near her somewhere because she likes to hold it when she sleeps. This is a huge ordeal. I can get her relaxed and any slightest move from the dog or the cat, shes wide awake again. Oh and all this is happening usually while she is screaming her head off and pulling her binkie out of her mouth every 2 seconds. Well today was slightly different, she wasn’t screaming but I got her very relaxed but she wasn’t going to sleep. I thought maybe I read the signals wrong (besides the fact she has only slept an hour today) so I pulled the whole “fake sleeping mommy” trick. I laid there with my eyes almost shut ( I had to watch her) and waited. She tossed and turned, tried to play with my lip ring, and then finally fell asleep…only after I did! I sometimes nap with her but usually I get out of there ASAP. She kicks….really hard. But I fell asleep. I woke up with drool on my hand. Yeah lovely picture huh? I was “fake sleeping” but really did fall asleep.

 

 

 

I am such an amateur.

Lilacs

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“If lilacs grow in Heaven
Lord Please pick a bunch for me.
Place them in my Mother’s arms and tell her they’re from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her, and when she turns to smile,
Place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while.
Because remembering her is easy, I do it everyday,
But there is an ache within my heart That will never go away.”

Today you would have been 65. I miss you mom. Happy Birthday. I will enjoy a cold one for you later. I love you.