Tag Archives: life



Alright its been a few weeks and life was a little busy for a second. I was working more hours (yay!) and obviously taking care of Kennedy and then wedding planning makes me drained sometimes. Thinking about everything that needs to be paid for, planned, etc. Honestly, I now understand why people hire other people to do this for them and if I was rich, I totally would! We have major stuff done- reception place, photographer, dj, flowers. I have picked out other important things and I have finalized decisions on the bridesmaids. But all the little things are what get me! I can’t stand this. Really in 20 years is it going to matter what fucking color the flower girls pedals are? or what shoes my bridesmaids are wearing? or how their hair was? PROBABLY NOT! I am very good about being easy about things and going with the flow because I know it won’t matter to me and actually, it doesn’t really matter to me now. I know that things need to coordinate, etc. and I want it to be nice but when I am walking down the aisle, do you think I am paying attention to what color flowers I am stepping on? NO. I am focused on 1st- not falling and 2nd- reaching the altar to marry my fiance! So that’s my feeling on the wedding stuff lately haha!

I have been working out and running and so far its been ok. I ran 3 miles on my birthday (23rd of Jan) in about 31 mins. It’s not very fast but I say its pretty damn good for someone who hasn’t run in 4 months! I have been also lifting weights and  eating healthier. I jumped on the bad food bandwagon this weekend and needs to hop off! I slipped a little but I am back to the good stuff! I know that I need to get faster for the marathon because they shut down the course if you don’t make it in time, you are screwed. I wish I knew how to get faster but maybe it will come in time. I will keep you posted!

In other news, if you are NOT on the support call with Tracy & other fabulous people, you need to be! It’s such a great support and I really look forward to talking to this wonderful ladies every week!! If you need more information go to her website or you can always contact me.

And that is my update for now. I am working on getting back into blogging more. I need to only devote a certain amount of time each day to the wedding or I could be looking at stuff for hours, which is NOT a good idea for me haha! And pinterest is the best idea in the whole world, end of story! lol


PS- Today is Anthony & I’s 3rd year anniversary and I have to say I didn’t think I would be a mom now but I love every minute and I love him. I am excited to get married to this man and I am excited for all the things to come!


Today is the day!


So today is the first day of the 5 day pouch test (5DPT). I am off to a semi rocky start. I have to say I chose to do this to reset my mind. I don’t believe this test “shrinks” your pouch or anything of that sort but mentally, I think this will help me. I make bad choices everyday with my food and it is not where I want to be anymore. I drink soda regularly, I eat rice daily, and I tend to eat sweets a lot. Not that I blame pregnancy but I think this started for me when the cravings for pregnancy kicked in. I honestly didn’t really watch what I ate. I pretty much ate the pizza hut pizza from taco bell once a day. I started making bad choices and it is followed me through the birth of Kennedy and haunting me 10 months later. But on a side note, I have to say I am lucky enough to have only gained 25 lbs with my pregnancy and honestly, my weight loss surgery helped that.

I stopped soda pre weight loss surgery and I continued that for almost a year after surgery. I never craved it. Well come pregnancy I randomly got a craving and caved. I get headaches if I don’t drink soda and that kind of grosses me out. I should NOT be here. I was doing SO well pre pregnancy. I ate 6x a day with very simple meals and once and awhile caved to a sweet. I want to be back there. I can’t be prefect and none of us are but I want to be healthier. As the marathon training will begin, I need to be healthy. I need to be strong and mentally if I am wore down with food then my training will not be successful. I was going to start running today but figured I should tackle one task at a time…lets get my food back up to par and then start running. I think I will be more successful instead of trying to do it all at once.

So back to my first day, this day is already rocky and its 10 am. I have a headache and I am starving. I hate the taste of protein shakes…it is super disgusting to me. I have NEVER supplemented my protein in the 2 1/2 years since surgery but I still get my 60-80 grams..I just eat high protein foods (meat, etc.) So day 1 and 2 are just strictly liquids. Protein shakes, protein soups. Well I actually have the books from Kaye Bailey (thanks to a giveaway by Tracy) and I have to say, I am such a picky eater. And if you ask anybody, I am not exaggerating. If you were around me daily, you could maybe understand Anthony’s pain haha. The protein shakes make me gag. I have a tried a few different kinds, brands, etc. They are griddy and the smell/taste just gets to me. So I turned to a trusted pal, Tracy (again) and she suggested the protein soups. Well looky again, my picky eater comes out. I am sure the recipes are great for people who like that stuff. I am already not a big fan of soup…I just have to be in a mood to eat it and my selection is very slim as to what I like. So the soup recipes weren’t very appealing to me either. So I am stuck. I did end up making a shake today using GNC Total Lean Rich Chocolate and made it more like a milkshake. It helps but I had to take a sip and then turn around and take a sip of water to even get it down. I drank about 4 oz of it before I had to stop. I added some cinnamon to cover the taste a tad and it was ok. I guess drinking part of a shake is way better than living off water because that isn’t healthy..at all.

I am just trying to make it through these next two days and I will be ok. Day 3-5 you move slowly in the protein scale. I am thankful to say Anthony is doing it with me, even though he is not a baratric patient. He will be slightly different on days 3-5 because there are added rules in such that you sit down and you can only eat for 15 minutes. Also, you can’t drink anything 30 mins before a meal or 30 mins after. I have to say I have never followed that rule. It’s so hard for me but I will try very hard to follow it through the test and beyond.

On one last note, I decided my pouch needs a name. I mean it is part of me and it has to be super cool. Hmm, I will ponder this! I have never been able to come up with a good name!

Wish us luck on this test! I think I need to more than anybody doing it haha. If you are looking for another prospective on the test, Rob over at Former Fat Dudes is also doing the test starting today. Check out his blog!

Goodbye 2011


I wanted to write a farewell post to 2011. It was a pretty great year for me and my new family. The best part of 2011? The birth of Ms. Kennedy Madison on March 10th.

  (not the best picture of me because I am drugged up! lol)

This year has been a great one to watch Kennedy grow and I look forward to 2012 and all the great things ahead of us. Anthony & I’s wedding is October 13th, 2012 and Kennedy turns 1 in March. But I also look forward to the marathons, eating habits changes, and everything positive in my life. So wishing you and yours a happy new year!!

The New Year


So as the new year approaches, I am going to make some changes in my life! I think we are usually good about New Year’s Resolutions for about a month (maybe) and then we dwindle back into back habits. I am determined to not let that happen this upcoming year!! So these are my major changes I want to make..


1. Swearing. I have the mouth of a sailor and Kennedy is getting older. I want to stop swearing or at least not in front of her. She doesn’t know what I am saying now but soon she will be repeating me. I don’t need her to be saying some of the things I do!!

2.Weight Loss. I am doing the 5 day pouch test starting next Monday with Anthony and I am doing it to get back on track. I don’t eat like I should and I need to get back to the basics of a new weight loss surgery patient!

3.Exercise. Starting next Monday, I begin training for the Denver Rock N’ Roll Marathon as well as the Colorado Colfax Relay Marathon. I am determined to do this and Anthony is my partner in crime. I will keep everyone updated on the progress. It may be slow in January since I just want to get back into running shape. I haven’t run since September.


Those are enough changes that I think this next year will bring as well as getting in shape for my wedding!!


So what are all of you striving for this upcoming year?

Life Lately


Kennedy turned 9 months old on Saturday the 10th!! Oh man this is going by WAY fast. She is close to crawling (which we didn’t think she would because she would MUCH rather stand) and soon to follow will probably walking. Also, do you see those teeth?!?! We are going to her appointment tomorrow morning so I will let you know how large my 9 month is (the size of at least a 1-year-old) haha. And speaking of, we went to a local mall here on Saturday. The cow was out and about…*side note* I am not a fan because the restaurant is against gay marriage and use profits to fight it (their food also makes me vomit post weight loss surgery), I did think it would be funny to let Kennedy get up close. Her only interest….to feel him up HAHA.

In other news, I have NOT heard from my brothers. I don’t know if they ever check FB or maybe they don’t want to talk, which is fine. They are still younger than me and probably not in the same spot as I am (mom, engaged, etc.) But I will try again later! I won’t lose hope! 🙂

On to other things, can you believe its 13 days until Christmas?! I am so excited! We went to a birthday party tonight ( Happy 40th Birthday Chris!) and saw SO many beautiful homes decorated to the trees! It was so beautiful! I LOVE this time of the year! I hope Kennedy loves it as much as I do :-). Anthony’s dad had me convinced to run a 5k this Saturday and have post race cinnamon rolls that he is going to make (yum!)…it is a Ugly Sweater 5k but he thought it was free to run as long as you had on an ugly sweater (similar to the Turkey Trot where you bring a can of food to run) but its $30…which is not a bad race price but this momma is broke! haha. Maybe next year! BTW, I have NOT run since September but starting in January, Anthony and I are training for the Denver Marathon in October! Woo Hoo! Bring it on 26 miles! I will make you my bitch 🙂

My Background


OK since this has been brought up twice in one day in two different occasion, I want to talk about it. I have a story…well I know we all do and mine happens to be super long and complicated. I am not going into large detail as some things don’t need to be on my blog for all the universe to see but I think I am ready to share a little background.

I was raised by my paternal grandparents. That is mom and dad. When I reference my mom, she is actually my grandma and when I talk about my dad, it is my grandfather. I believe mom and dad are terms for the people who raise you, maybe not so much the people who had a part in conception. I was never legally adopted but my mom did get legal guardianship. I was taken from my birth place in Killeen, Texas to Canisteo, NY when I was a mere 8 days old and this is where I would grow up.

Ok let’s skip all the growing up stuff because it really isn’t relevant to why I am writing this. So my real mom, Janice, died in 2000(I was 12). I didn’t know her. I knew she existed because I was aware of my situation but I have never had a conversation with her. So when I turned 18 (2006), I received money from her death. (PS-never give large amounts of money to an irresponsible 18-year-old child) I also received papers from the court, which I found out I have two half brothers and another relative of hers (her cousin who handled the court proceedings). I have never tried to contact my brothers because they are younger and at the time, still underage. They are now 20 and 18.

I know nothing about my mother’s side of the family. I don’t know medical history. I don’t know if my grandparents are even alive or even a name. I know nothing. I felt the urge to know and I have wanted to know for some time but never did anything about it. Well tonight I reached out to my twitter followers for some advice. Obviously Facebook is easy to “stalk” someone if you know their names. Well I decided to look them up…found them! Ok now what? Well I asked for advice.

Thanks to Liz and Laura, they told me go for it…so I did! I sent a Facebook message to both of them. I feel kind of lame for sending a message over Facebook but really how else can I contact them? If they don’t contact me back, that is ok too. They don’t have to want to talk to me or even tell me anything. I hope they do (maybe someday), I would like to know my mother’s side. Well lets see if their backfires or works…





In a side note: I found my wedding dress this weekend! but that’s for another post 😉



So I found this video on YouTube today randomly. It REALLY pissed me off. My blood is boiling. It was a video about her friend dying from weight loss surgery within 5 days and another friend of hers who didn’t lose weight after she got the lap band. First off…Your friend had weight loss surgery by CHOICE and she died from complications. Well guess what? ANYBODY COULD DIE IN SURGERY. They tell you that, that’s why you sign forms. My doctor’s statistics for death were less that 1% and I could have been that 1%. I started to panic on the way to the operating room, to the point where I knocked the gas mask out of the hand of the anesthesiologist. I could have died but I am thankful that I didn’t.  I am sad for her loss because no matter how someone dies, its sad. BUT don’t blame weight loss surgery because (I know this is one-sided) maybe the doctor fucked up? Maybe a nurse did? Maybe she was too overweight to have surgery? There are so many reasons for complications!!!!!!

Secondly, for your friend who didn’t lose weight after the lap band…you have to change your way of thinking and your habits or YOU WILL NOT LOSE WEIGHT. It could also be that you were too overweight for the lap band. Is weight loss surgery an easy way out? NO. Is weight loss surgery for everybody? NO. Is Lap Band for everybody? NO. Is Roux-en-y for everybody? NO. Is the Gastric Sleeve for everybody? NO. Weight loss surgery is a TOOL to help you succeed. I have been very lucky and have lost 115 lbs since my surgery in August 2009. I had Roux-en-y and that is very different from lap band. I know a few of my twitter followers who had lap band and then went on to get it reversed to the sleeve. Your doctor should point in the right direction to which surgery may be best for you. I wanted the lap band to begin with and after speaking with my doctor, I got Roux-en-y. Why? Because the lap band wasn’t for me. I listened to the doctor and his comparison of the two and realized I would never succeed in the lap band. The lap band is a slower moving process. An average of 2-4 lbs a week. I was 320 lbs, do you know how long it would have taken me to reach my current weight of 188 lbs? Yeah, I would have never succeed. And I must say…we can’t all be Bigger Loser contestants with that kind of training 8-10 hours a day because IT IS UNREALISTIC. I know there have been people to succeed from that show but most gain some/all their weight back. I have struggled and I still  struggle to make better choices in my life but if I didn’t do anything, I would not lose weight and/or gain it all back. I know people in the community have gained their weight back or struggle with the last 20 lbs and I just wish them the best in making daily choices to help get back on track but I also know these people are not blaming weight loss surgery for not keeping the weight off, etc.

I am sure I could search YouTube for videos bashing weight loss surgery but I don’t think I have ever touched on how much this pisses me off so a random video prompted this. I haven’t encountered anybody to have anything negative to say to my face so maybe that is where this anger is coming from. I just wanted to clear this up because I am a very open person. We could play 100 questions and I will answer all to my ability. I don’t hide the fact that I had Gastric Bypass or anything that has happened. The first three months after surgery? I felt like death. I couldn’t eat anything except yogurt and cottage cheese but EVERYTHING got stuck. I ended up having to get an upper GI done and they have to open up my connection so I will never say my surgery was the EASY way out. I struggle everyday to take all my vitamins, saggy skin, my body image, sweets, protein intake and portion control. I am only human but I will always be honest with my struggles.I would rather you ask me about it then speculate so if anybody reading this blog has ANY questions, even just because you want to know, ASK. I will answer them or at least give you somewhere to find the answer.

I do want to thank everybody in my life for their support. I have talked to some people and see blogs/comments/tweets about family not being ok with their choice to have surgery and I say…ROCK ON! Keep doing what you doing because you made a decision to change your life. 🙂